Time Goes While I Stand Still.

I look out the window. I don’t even know what I looking at, I’m just looking out. Why am I looking out of the window? I don’t know. I open the fridge and then I close it, why am I doing that? I don’t know. Why do I listen to music instead of watching tv? I don’t know.

The thoughts just spinning inside my head and I don’t know what, why and how. I don’t know. Why do I not know? When I’m sitting here and writing, tears are falling from my eyes, why do the tears fall from my eyes? I don’t know. I don’t want to meet people, why do I not want to meet people? I don’t know. Why do I not know? I don’t know. I don’t see the positivity in the daily basics. Why do I not see the positivity? I don’t know.

I don’t want to do nothing. I feel that the days are empty, sad and heavy. Why am I here, what do I have to offer? I have the feeling that I don’t want to be here. I want to dig a hole in the ground and jump down. I’m mentally tired and in the nights I can’t sleep unless I take sleep pill. We’re not suppose to take a pill to sleep better. There’s actually something wrong – with me.

Why? I don’t know.

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